It's in the small things, really.

I've been struggling to put into words for eight months the reasons behind my deciding to leave my former roller derby league and to become a Royal Pain with the Crown City Rollerz. Tonight as I was driving home from practice, I realized what those words are. "It was the small things."

Those small things snowballed into bigger things and eventually it dawned on me that all those "things" had gotten me really messed up. I'd spend all day talking/thinking/doing derby things and go to practice stressed out and leave practice stressed out. The days that I wasn't stressed out, someone else was stressed out and it somehow became my stress. My husband wanted nothing to do with derby and would often worry about my getting hurt. And I was getting hurt. All the time.

So step one was realizing that I wasn't who I wanted to be in a whole lot of areas of my derby life. Nor was I likely to become who I wanted to be if I stayed the course. *I* wasn't growing and learning in a healthy manner. And furthermore, not only was I being harmed, but I was hurting others and doing them injustices in the process.

So what were my options for step two? Walk away from derby? I'd rather live without music than live without derby. I've never experienced such a community of strength, growth and courage. Derby lives in the hearts of thousands of fans, volunteers, skaters, coaches and trainers around the world. AROUND THE WORLD.
In less than a decade, modern roller derby went from it's renewal in Austin, TX to (literally) the other side of the world. My mother's generation grew up with Title IX. My grandmothers never had a chance to play team sports. Now, thanks to all those thousands of derby-loving hearts, not only do I get to play sports (as I've grown up doing) but grandmothers who have never been "athletic" in their life can have those same experiences that have meant so much to me and my peers.
I love coaching and seeing those bulbs go off in others' heads. Have you ever seen someone's expression change as they realize that their mentality is the mindset of an individual and that they need to think as part of a team in order to succeed? And then see them further realize that they've never actually had reason to think as part of a team? (Especially never as part of a team of capable women just like themselves.) We all need to be able to skate and "turn left" out there, but it's the ones who can strategize and out-think their opponents that really push us to new levels. To see the bombs explode in someone's head as they learn new strategy is amazing to me. To see those bombs go off in someone who is learning in a completely novel way is absolutely mind-boggling astounding.
I grew up knowing what it was like to play sports as part of a team. Yes, I was often the rarity in male-dominated contact sports but there were high school and all-female teams available if I was willing to travel. There are thousands of mothers and grandmothers alive today who never had the means nor the opportunity in their typical American upbringing to play a contact sport. I'm honored to skate with daughters of the "Greatest Generation" and hope that we see many more on the track.

Anyho... back to my step two. Obviously, leaving derby wasn't really a choice for me. Transferring to CCR became the clear and obvious choice after I spent two weeks as their guest skater while I was preparing to bout with the neighboring BC Rollers in their bout against SCAR.


But do you know what really made the decision rest easy for me?

CCR welcomed my husband.

My husband who now has derby friends.

My husband who now volunteers at bouts.

My husband who is now able to experience pride and joy when his wife skates, instead of fear.

My husband who has since taken up several of the things he used to do, which had fallen by the wayside for one reason or another. The things that made me fall in love with him in the first place.


Want to know what "small things" really prompted this blog post?

2 thoughts: "I'm glad my husband had a chance to see his derby girls tonight."
And: "Boy, I'd forgotten how fun it is to drive his truck!"


So thank you, Crown City Rollerz. For more reasons than you shall ever know, or I could ever express.

With hugs and shoves,
Delicate Flower


P.S.- Kat, I made it home safely. ;-)